SPIRIT's Diary

I've become passive because I've felt my death too much. Counselors said, "You've lived aggressively until now, so it's your big weapon." So, it's NG.     I have to become aggressive again and do anymore. But what should I do? Recently, I only drunk liquor and felt relaxed time, after I finished today's task. I hate sweating, so I should spend money for society, shouldn't I?   What will I begin? At first, should I reduce taking caffeine and begin meditation again?

My recent record drinking liquor is below: My father recommended me that I should make 3 non-drinking alcohol days a week. I've complied it, but I drunk much liquor when I decided to drink liquor. In 2ch thread, there is people occurring myocardial infarction on account of drinking too much liquor. I should be more careful because I almost drink much more liquor. Recently, I've felt been aware of my death time, because I had felt chest pain for 20 minutes and I had drunk too much liquor. Or, God was likely to stroke and weaken my heart because I had often said, that I'm likely to kill someone if my stress increased by losing weight. (Just in case, I'm a Protestant.) It seems that I'll die before I kill someone. I'm continuing to think about how I live my rest life. I want to go to Europe, but when and how will I go to it?

Yesterday, I went to church and Sunpia No Yu/Sunpia's Hot Spring. But, now too, I feel uncomfortable when I drink Monster or Tokucha. Has my heart become worse truly? Or temporary side effect of GLP-1 agonist? If my heart has become worse, it's that my lifespan is likely to be short. I said I have nothing to regret because I could do various actions and I could go to various place, including foreign country. But if I had more greed, I wanted to go to Europe. It may be early, but should I plan for the end of life? I don't know what I have to do at first. I have lived my life with "My Way". But I can become happier for future. I have to live vigorously.