SPIRIT's Diary

Recently, I've drunk non-alcohol beer too much. If I don't do so, I can't calm down. But, on second thoughts, I've understood I'm alcoholic addiction.     The reason drinking non-alcohol beer too much is recent insufficient sleeping and taking caffeine too much too. But, originally, my mental stability is a far weaker than person without disability because I have Asperger and ADHD. So, I become mentally unstable easily.     I've wasted money for buying non-alcohol beer too much, so I thought I give up to go to EXPO 2025 once. Then, I decreased the budget of Osaka travel from 300,000 yens to 200,000 yens. I have discount coupon of JR East, the shareholder incentives, so I can also decrease the expense of Shinkansen.     But, for living by own, I want to decrease expenses to eat and drink more. It's ideal if I can relieve my stress to only generate illustrations and watch sumo.

It's been 6th day since health check. I've maintained my weight less than 86kg. It's OK. But it's insufficient for me to stop CPAP remedy, the remedy of Sleep Apnea Syndrome. As always, my parents have ordered I lose my weight repeatedly.     My mother recommended me to teach how to lose my weight from 91kg to less than 86kg. But it's for Alli, the inhibitor of absorption of fat. And it's the fact I had walked for 30 minutes in every morning. I couldn't come up with the methods to lose weight except them.     More thinking, I've drunk non-alcohol beer instead of alcohol. Alcohol makes my weight increase. It's the other method to lose my weight.     To relieve my stress, instead of eating and drinking, I've made the methods to generate illustrations and anime by AI, watching sumo and so on. They may made my weight decrease.     Today too, I generated an animation by Domo AI. This is, that Itou Makoto...

As always, I hadn't let go the sake cup in the past years, and after taking cyanamide, the inhibitor of metabolism of alcohol, I haven't let go non-alcohol beer. I've not understood what I want to do. As a pharmacist, I want to increase foreign customers, and as a hobbyist, I want to inform foreigners of Japanese culture such as Hakkenden, Kanjin Sumo and so on. About sumo, I'm studying Raiden Tameemon（日本語：雷電為右衛門）, the strongest sumo wrestler in Japanese sumo history, having more than 90% wins and only 10 times lost in his entire sumo life. Chat GPT answered about Raiden correctly when I questioned Chat GPT about Raiden. Like this way, I've written English diary almost each day, so I may praise myself about it. At this way, it may be OK for me to introduce Hakkenden, sumo and so on. I have to increase my self-esteem. I've made animations by PixAI.

Yesterday, after the health check of our company, I've let loose very much. After working, I drunk red wine very much, and today morning, I vomited. It may made my parents worried. From today, I have to fix lifestyle. I always take cyanamide, the inhibitor of metabolism of alcohol, but I forgot to take it yesterday. So, I may let loose. I ate favorite ramen and hamburgers of McDonald, so my weight has increased again. After today, I have to decrease amounts of meals. I think it's cool if Anchovy in Garupan is drinking red wine.

In previous day of health check, I drunk alcohol. But, today, my weight is 85.9kg, under 86.2kg. I accomplished my goal, so I have to congratulate myself. The reason I drunk alcohol: 1. In my task, I'm writing the report making our company employees improve English ability, but I have strong anxiety that only I'm plowing ahead. 2. Recently, I got up earlier than 4:00 A.M. so I'm lack of sleep. 3. Because of lack of sleep, I drunk caffeine too much, so I become worried more. I slept until 4:30 A.M. today, so I'm hardly anxious as expected. I have to sleep more, at least 6 hours. I should have generate illustrations by PixAI or watch sumo in Youtube, rather than drinking alcohol. I generated an animation in PixAI.

I've drunk cyanamide, the inhibitor of metabolism of alcohol, since long time. So I can't receive alcohol. Therefore, I've been drinking non-alcoholic beer since 7 days ago. But it's too much.     Without alcohol, non-alcoholic beer makes me joyful. But I can't become happy if I don't drink over 1000ml non-alcoholic beer. Yesterday, I drunk 1350ml non-alcoholic beer. It was a bit much.     My weight has become 85.7kg, so next goal is that I take no alcohol and decrease amount of non-alcoholic beer under 1000ml. Without beer, doesn't generating illustration by PixAI make me sufficiently joyful?     As usual, I often generate illustrations by PixAI. In this case, the illustrations are that Nishizumi Maho is drinking beer in the observation deck of skyscraper in the night.

Recently, I drink only non-alcohol beer. Just by it, I can become drunk. But, somehow, the taste of non-alcohol beer is light. Instead of alcohol, the way to relieve my stress is that I generate illustrations of boxing by PixAI. Boxing of Garupan Captain Group is very cool. I've become interested in Rocky, so I've also become interested in boxing. Should I borrow videos of Rocky Series?

Yesterday, I went to Soyogi No Mori/Breeze of Forest in Ayashi again. I ate Unagi bowl, drunk the beer, and relaxed in the bath. If I can't travel, my best way to relieve my stress may be that I drink liquor and relaxed for long time. But, recently, I can't put the day to rest the liver. Addiction of alcohol is terrifying. The other way to relieve my stress is that I generate illustration by PixAI. But, recently, I have no idea about what I want to generate illustrations. I've become interested in Rocky, so I want to generate illustration that Garupan Captain Group is jogging, boxing  and so on. In this case, Anchovy is boxing.

I've been mentally unstable and can't control my emotion. So, this has been the biggest disorder to reduce my weight and my amount of drinking alcohol. When I was working in pharmacy, the evaluate of my self-control ability was also the lowest in my abilities. Actually, twice, I bored a hole in the restroom of my workplace. It has been never changed until now. I work in the workplace which understand my disorder, and live in some high lifestyle and some own assets. But, otherwise, I couldn't control my emotion, I would have slayed others and go to jail. Was my "Oya-Gacha/Parents-lots" good...? The relation of my parents was very bad, and I'd been taken physical punishments from my mother... Anyway, I think money is the tool to improve myself and contribute the society, not evil. I need some money to maintain my present lifestyle and my assets. In previous time, I said, "Earning money itself is not evil, isn't it." Some people would say, "You...

There is a inaniwa udon shop, named Takisawaya, nearby Tagajo Library. It's for 2 minutes from JR Tagajo Station. I went to Takisawaya, while at it returning a rental book. I ordered both Inaniwa Udon and tempuras. Both of them were chewy, and smooth going down. It's 1,500 yen. The physician in the obesity clinic said you should skip drinking alcohol, but I drunk sake in Takisawaya. It was sweet and delicious. I think, it's no loss for foreigners to go to it and eat inaniwa udon once.

My quotas are, 1. In English studying, I should write English in this blog or X(former twitter), or make video of my English speaking for 30 seconds. 2. In work, I should make one goal each one day, and finish it within this day. 3. About alcohol, I should drink nothing or 40g most (5% beer 1000ml). 4. About wasting to eat and drink, I should spend less than 500 yen each one day. But these quotas have become a mere shell of completely, except studying English. I had drunk 9% Chu-hai again and wasted more 1,000 yens to eat and drink. But, I can no more control my emotion and my appetite, so I'll go to an obesity hospital. I said before, that I'll fail if relying on only my passion and guts. But I can't believe I've failed to accomplish my quotas only one-half month. Should I revise my quotas? If I can control my emotion and appetite, I won't need to waste money to eat and drink liquor. But, somehow, it's no use. Is it only way that I give up with good grace?

Today and tomorrow, my parents will be in Chiba. So, I'm only one in home, without interfered from my parents. Today, I went to the psychiatry to take counseling and get medication such as Concerta. Recently, I drunk 9% Chu-hai again, so I consulted the counselor about it. "Can you change 7% Chu-hai?" he answered. Anyway, today and tomorrow, I decided to skip alcohol. For future, I'll think about it in this time. If always, I go to the spa such as Sunpia Onsen, but today, I returned home earlier and I took laundry my futon. Because, recently, my back and chest have terrible atopic disease, and they are always itchy. I thought my futon had been fulfilled with allergen such as ticks. Without interference from my parents, I took one quiet day with my favorite ramen. Always, I have craving to liquor but I must bear today. Today was Sendai Aoba Festival but it was not affordable for me to watch because it was rainy.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I bought a preserved flower for my mother, but I didn't understand whether my mother would have joy or not. So, I ran away for liquor. Before it, I drunk 500ml non-alcohol beer, but it was not effective . So, today, I didn't sleep very well, I'm very sleepy now. I drunk Monster, the energy drink. I've not been able to escape alcohol very much. Tomorrow, I'll go to alcoholic hospital. What should I say to the doctor?

About both my weight and drinking alcohol, I've become that the wheel comes full circle. My weight has come back to more than 90kg, and I had taken 9% Chu-hai and often vomited. On Second thoughts, is it impossible for me to decrease my weight? Eating is the best effective method to relieve my stress. About alcohol, I found many Abilify to be taken as needed, so I decide to take it instead drinking alcohol. Actually, I become relaxed if taking Abilify to be taken as needed. If Abilify to be taken as needed become none, I think again in this time.

"In human like lifestyle", I'm sinking into the garbage. "In human like lifestyle", I'm working like slave by nasty persons about my unwilling work. "In human like lifestyle", I'm masturbating with Ona-Hole by picking up the free porno pictures in the internet. Dammit! (By Itahashi Kiyoshi in Ushijima: The Loan Shark) This is one quote in Ushijima: The Loan shark. About myself, my work isn't my unwilling task, and my president is very kind. But, recently, I've not been able to accomplish my quotas. I've wasted over 1000 yen to eat and drink liquor. And I had drunk chu-hai again. "To increase my productivity and continue to work, I'll lose my weight and skip drinking alcohol." If I think so, I should have made my mind relieve On second thoughts, I'm easily agitated and inflammable. I'm very short-tempered and have few coordination. My personality is like “the savage beast” or “the tamed viper”. In other words, I...

Recently, I've not accomplished my quotas, such as skipping alcohol, wasting money with less than 500 yen and so on. I often drunk 9% Chu-hai, and today I vomited on account of drinking alcohol too much. Should I adjust my quotas a little, or should I continue these quotas? I'm always strain and easily become tired, so I drink alcohol to become relaxed. But from the view of long period, alcohol makes me bad of my mind. I should more relaxed, but what should I do? I may should think, that both my meaningful action and meaningless action makes me. Of course, it's important for me to write English in this blog. Just writing and speaking English may be wonderful to me. Tentatively, I decided to continue these quotas, such as skipping alcohol and wasting money is less than 500 yen.

Since young age, my agitated and inflammable personality has never changed. I don't understand whether it's for alcohol or for my original personality. But I can't be satisfied, even if I've tried to write English tweeting, English article, make videos of my speaking English and so on. But Dragon Sakura 2 said, "It's the sin that we don't make them challenge." More thinking about it, from this personality, I've challenged to various things such as English tweeting, English writing, video compilation and so on. For it, I could improve my English ability and got 840 TOEIC score. I've understood that it's the sin that we don't challenge. I'm challenging to skip alcohol every day again. It's taken 3 days since I skipped alcohol. Until now, I couldn't understand about my doing, so I had escaped to liquor. But now, I can understand my action and my ideal lifestyle increasingly. Can't I fail again?

It took 5 days after I decided my quotas in various field. Until now, About English studying: I accomplished every day within the morning. About drinking alcohol and finishing the goal at work: I accomplished and not. About wasting money to eat and drink: I couldn't accomplish at all. Is my 500 yens budget to drink and eat strict? It needs 432 yens for only Tokucha and one Famichiki. About studying English, I could make video of my speaking English within the morning. About studying, it's easy for me to accomplish my quota. But, it's difficult to reduce wasting money to eat and drink. Still, my habit I resolve my stress to eat and drink hasn't revised. By other methods, can't I resolve my stress? I'm Conservation Type (Stacking Type). So it's important for me to decide my quotas each one day. But it's meaningless if I don't accomplish my quotas. Should I make my quota, particularly about wasting money to eat and drink lower?

Today is the first day after I decided quotas in various field. About English studying, within the morning, I made the video of my speaking English, and accomplished the quota. About work...the goal may be wildest, so I couldn't my goal today. And it's doubtful that information I used is accurate. It needs more time to finish my goal. About alcohol, I succeeded in skipping alcohol today. But I should have drunken Regtect, the alcohol restraint, after every meals. About wasting money to drink and eat, this quota is very difficult, I spent over 500 yen, my budget each day. It needed 432 yen of only Tokucha and Famichiki. I compiled the result, Success: studying English and skipping alcohol Failure: Accompilshing the goal at work and spending money less than 500 yen. Particularly, it's difficult to surpress wasting money. I want caffeine when I become sleepy, so I have to increase sleeping time. There is one Dragon Sakura's quote, "Only one or two people in groups in...

Since long time, I'd forgotten that I'm Conservation Type(Stacking Type) in Dragon Sakura2. In other words, I finish to read the first book before the next book. The specification of this type is, 1. It's important to get own confidence and peace of mind. 2. Their place working and studying should become fixed. 3. They should decide quotas each one day. 4. They should inform own progressing condition of their peers. 5. They shouldn't try the high-level problems. In accordance with third principle, I decided make quotas each one day. My quotas are, 1. In English studying, I should write English in this blog or X(former twitter), or make video of my English speaking for 30 seconds. 2. In work, I should make one goal each one day, and finish it within this day. 3. About alcohol, I should drink nothing or 40g most(5% beer 1000ml). 4. About wasting to eat and drink, I should spend less than 500 yen each one day. With my smartphone, I can't write my blog...