SPIRIT's Diary

I ate Billy Ramen, my favorite ramen, too much yesterday, so my weight has been likely to become 92kg. Changing into BMI, it's 31.9. It's a bit NG. I've not been careful about my weight. And I've skipped to take Alli, the inhibitor of absorption of fat. So it may be naturally for increasing my weight. I want to make my joyful life even if my life is short. So, it's not careful about my weight. But how's that? Recently, my blood pressure has continued to hypertension. It's also naturally, because the blood pressure increases if we're fat. I can drink only sweet drinks because my taste has changed. With it, I've taken sugar too much, it's also made me increase my weight. Should I reduce my weight?

My weight has increased to 91.3kg. So I started to take GLP-1 agonist again. Originally, it's the medication for diabetes, but effective to lose weight. My mother said, "Your chest pain on Oct. 11th was for taking caffeine too much, not for GLP-1 agonist. You should take GLP-1 agonist again and decrease to take caffeine." But is it true? Anyway, I have to receive a letter of reference in the hospital of SAS, and go to bigger hospital to take examination for more detail. What did cause my chest pain?

I couldn't come up with what I want to write this blog, so I went out 2 entire days. And I ate sushi and a mackerel, and my weight has increased near 91kg again. More thinking about it, I've not walk sufficiently recently because we've been scared for encountering bears. Recently, appearance of bear has been much time in Miyagi too. And, my taste has changed, and I couldn't receive the taste of beer. And I want to drink sweet juice fiercely, so I often drink chu-hai and sweet juice. So my weight may increase. I don't care of my appearance and I'm prepared for my early death. But I'm likely not to fit my cloth, so I have to lose my weight.

My recent record drinking liquor is below: My father recommended me that I should make 3 non-drinking alcohol days a week. I've complied it, but I drunk much liquor when I decided to drink liquor. In 2ch thread, there is people occurring myocardial infarction on account of drinking too much liquor. I should be more careful because I almost drink much more liquor. Recently, I've felt been aware of my death time, because I had felt chest pain for 20 minutes and I had drunk too much liquor. Or, God was likely to stroke and weaken my heart because I had often said, that I'm likely to kill someone if my stress increased by losing weight. (Just in case, I'm a Protestant.) It seems that I'll die before I kill someone. I'm continuing to think about how I live my rest life. I want to go to Europe, but when and how will I go to it?

Today, I went to the psychiatry and took counseling. I informed the counselor of my chest pain on Oct. 11th. The counselor said, "It was OK for you to find the reason of your chest pain. With continuing, you should monitor your chest with skipping GLP-1 agonist." I became a bit relaxed to hear his saying. The counselor also said,  "Your present task is very difficult, but inversely, you can intend to resolve such difficult task. With deciding the deadline, it's important for you to take the task with your pace." After hearing his saying, I became a bit more relaxed. In conclusion, it's important for me to take my task with my pace. I have to collect more information of my task. With skipping GLP-1 agonist, I can be likely to extend my lifeline, so I have to think more how to spend my rest lifeline. In short term, I want to go to Gogh Museum in Ueno.

I went to obesity clinic, and informed that I felt fierce chest pain on Oct. 11th. I also took X-ray and electric cardiography. But both results were normal. I had neither angina pectoris nor myocardial infarction. The doctor said that I should monitor chest pain for future. I'd been prepared for my early death for heart disease, but it seemed I was hasty. However, I have to think about both "until now" and "from now", for future. I've been happy enough because I could do almost doing and go to various places, including Singapore, Hong Kong and so on. Because of the wall of fact, many things didn't go well for me, such as the pharmacist in the pharmacy. My life has been not bad, but I can make my life better more effort I do. In short term, I'll go to Ueno and watch Gogh Exhibition in Tokyo Metropolitan Museum. It's important for me to make good life. I don't want to become like King Soga in Fire Bird Yamato Edition by Tezuka Osamu.

I have sleep apnea syndrome, so I went to Sleep Clinic today. Recently, I've eaten and drunk liquor too much, so my weight and blood tension has increased again. I said the doctor that I've had much stress, such as emotions that I hadn't done job very well, writing English diary and so on. So the doctor says, "You've overdone very much." Mr. Hiroyuki said, "The era doing own best have been over, we should live easily." But, in my case, how? I've chosen English as the tool for my surviving. So, I've wanted to use English more to learn English more. In the past case of praying with English in my church, only I joined this case, from many Japanese. Over and over, I've felt, that Japanese society is, "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down" ”A person with talent usually hides their best abilities ” "Silence keeps you safe." But, in my case, it's been NG. Because, "I don't want to be defeated my peer who w...

I watched this video in Youtube, by Mr. Tanaka Kei. According to it, we have to decide both "What do we want to do?" and "By when will we do them?" What I want to do is, "I want to use English more because I have 840 TOEIC score." "I want to go abroad and watch various things in the world more." About the first desire, it has been fulfilled because I often talk foreigners in my church with English. But about the second desire, I want to this desire more. But I have both Asperger's and ADHD, so my mental health has been very unstable. So I can't control my appetite and liquor desire, and both my weight and my blood pressure has increased recently. Is it the limit of developmental disorder? Recently, I've done the meditation to relieve my stress, but it hasn't gone well? Should I continue it? However, it's no other methods, to reduce money to eat and drink and relieve my stress. It may be said I have to continue meditation.

Today too, I went to go to ChocoZAP with my father, and exercised. Anaerobic exercise in ChocoZAP can help to make my muscle. But, about my weight, my weight hasn't decreased yet. However, as always, I haven't cared for my weight. As always, to eat and drink is the best way to relieve my stress. My physical strength and resilience have fluctuated for days. If I have both of them, I have much desire such as going to Shanghai. But if I have neither of them, I don't want to do anything including to work. It may be the key whether my mental is stable or not. Recently, I re-started that I often take meditation in free time. But, until now, I can't make my mental stable even if I do it. Will it become effective.

The tenth day after I've taken GLP-1 agonist again. My weight has increased to 88.1kg reversely. Yesterday, because it was holiday, I ate the snack, such as cheese bread, too much. While I was relaxed, management of my company has decline because the revenue has decreased and the minimum wage had to rise. I want my company's productivity to increase. But, before it, I have to increase my productivity. However, my vigor and physical strength have decreased a far much. Recently, I haven't thought I want to go abroad and go to travel, and I become tired even morning 30 minutes walking. But my appetite and sleeping desire hasn't increased. I've wasted money to eat and drink, and my money for investing had to decreased. I've felt than my time has come to the retreat time. What should I do?

I've written, that my physical strength, guts and mental stability have weakened much more than when I was 20s. I've felt nostalgic, when I was desperate to work a pharmacist of the pharmacy and go to travel. And I also consulted Chat GPT how to rebuilding them. Recently, I become very tired, only even when walking for 8,000 steps and exercising in ChocoZAP. After them, I always take a nap for 30 minutes. About my mental stability, I have to do meditation occasionally, don't I? Recently, my father has learned that we can do English conversation in Chat GPT, and he recommend me to do it. I've registered Chat GPT app in my iPhone, I've done it immediately. Of course, It's the best for me to talk with real foreigners with English. But it's also better as exercise to use English. There are various ways to use Chat GPT effectively. But my method is, that I incorporate about pharmaceutical information and that I talk English with Chat GPT. For this way, I'll b...

Today, I bought Shinkansen tickets for travel of Osaka EXPO with my father. For the discount coupon of shareholder of JR East, I could buy about 50% value. But, recently, I'd understood that my physical strength and guts have decreased far more than when I was 20s. Because I've not been able to rise the hill from my favorite church to my home. I'm anxious whether I can bear walking around in the venue of Osaka EXPO from morning to night. The time I want to sleep has increased recently too. Always, I can sleep about 5.5 hours every night. Perhaps, for future, I'm likely not to go abroad. What will my dream that I want to watch various things of Japan and the world become? What will I become because all of physical strength, guts and stability of my mental has decreased much?

After I made "10 seconds rule", that I bear for 10 seconds when I have my impulse to eat and drink, I failed in the first day. After working, my craving was terrible, I paid over 3000 yens although I decided my budget to 1000 yens every day. Particularly, I bought 4 non-alcohol beer. Does it mean that my craving is such terrible? Even now, I always want to drink alcohol. I decided my budget for eating and drinking as 30,000 yens, but even it's just barely. After my parents pass away, can I make my own living? I have to reduce my money of investing because my budget for eating and drinking has increased. Even now, I become emotionally unstable easily. So I want to take alcohol. It's anti-effective. Can't I change my personality becoming emotionally unstable easily?

Recently, I've sometimes drunk liquor. As I said before, I can't suspend my strong impulse. For the same reasons, I sometime drink liquor. It's the best for me to drink no liquor. But I can't suspend desire to joy, so I drink liquor. Are Domo AI, PixAI and so on not sufficient methods to relieve my stress completely? For myself, I don't know. I'm easily perspiring, so, for it too, it makes stress. At least, I want hot days to finish earlier.

Today, I went to obesity hospital and take blood test. Recently, my weight has increased again, what will the result become? I thought variously, and conclusively, I had found that it's important for me to maintain my health. I'm always careful for my weight. But, sometimes, I want my favorite food, and go to my favorite ramen shop, McDonalds and so on. So my weight hadn't lost very well. My president said that she wants me to maintain my health to work longer. I shouldn't forget it. I should have various attraction to entertain me, such as Domo AI, PixAI and so on. Can I resolve my stress by only them?