SPIRIT's Diary

After going to my church, I went to Sunpia No Yu, the big public bath again. I have to walk for 15 minutes from Rokuchonome Station of Tozai Subway Line, but it was good exercise. Just after I arrived Sunpia No Yu, I went to the restaurant in the facility, and ate tonkatsu. I chose a large portion of rice, so I ate too much, But it was very delicious. I took bath only 30 minutes, but salty-sauna was very good. Applying salt into my skin was very pain, but I became perspiring better. After taking baths, I became relax with watching TV for 3 hours. It's the best way to relieve my stress. Yesterday, I drink liquor too much, so I took cyanamide, the inhibitor of alcohol metabolism today. So today, I couldn't drink liquor in this facility. But it was good for it. It's also OK that I go to the big public bath to relieve my stress instead of drinking liquor.

Recently, I can't drink except little liquor. I easily vomit when I drink 9% Chu-hai. So, I don't like it, but I can't drink except beer. Has my body changed because of aging? For maintaining my physical ability, I'm trying to decrease my weight, such as taking Alli and so on. For it, I could reduce my weight to 89.8kg. Would it be better if I don't drink liquor? I've finally understood that physical ability is the most important for travel, because I'd become tired easily when I went to OSAKA EXPO 2025 and Tokyo. But can I reduce my weight easily?

I've become passive because I've felt my death too much. Counselors said, "You've lived aggressively until now, so it's your big weapon." So, it's NG.     I have to become aggressive again and do anymore. But what should I do? Recently, I only drunk liquor and felt relaxed time, after I finished today's task. I hate sweating, so I should spend money for society, shouldn't I?   What will I begin? At first, should I reduce taking caffeine and begin meditation again?

This is a recent record of drinking alcohol. Recently, I had drunk Shochu much, but honestly, I had drunk Shochu forcibly. Recently, my taste has changed. So I can't drink except tea, juice, drink and Chu-hai. I'm not allowed to drink caffeine from my parents, but I also often drink tea now. When I take tea or take GLP-1 agonist, I feel chest pains after a few hours. As I've thought, is my heart worse? My father told, that I'll become fat if I take sugar too much. But I can only drink juice, Chu-hai and so on. What should I do?

My recent record drinking liquor is below: My father recommended me that I should make 3 non-drinking alcohol days a week. I've complied it, but I drunk much liquor when I decided to drink liquor. In 2ch thread, there is people occurring myocardial infarction on account of drinking too much liquor. I should be more careful because I almost drink much more liquor. Recently, I've felt been aware of my death time, because I had felt chest pain for 20 minutes and I had drunk too much liquor. Or, God was likely to stroke and weaken my heart because I had often said, that I'm likely to kill someone if my stress increased by losing weight. (Just in case, I'm a Protestant.) It seems that I'll die before I kill someone. I'm continuing to think about how I live my rest life. I want to go to Europe, but when and how will I go to it?

I watched this video in Youtube, by Mr. Tanaka Kei. According to it, we have to decide both "What do we want to do?" and "By when will we do them?" What I want to do is, "I want to use English more because I have 840 TOEIC score." "I want to go abroad and watch various things in the world more." About the first desire, it has been fulfilled because I often talk foreigners in my church with English. But about the second desire, I want to this desire more. But I have both Asperger's and ADHD, so my mental health has been very unstable. So I can't control my appetite and liquor desire, and both my weight and my blood pressure has increased recently. Is it the limit of developmental disorder? Recently, I've done the meditation to relieve my stress, but it hasn't gone well? Should I continue it? However, it's no other methods, to reduce money to eat and drink and relieve my stress. It may be said I have to continue meditation.

Yesterday, there is a festival of 24 Hour TV in Kotodai Park. So I went to Kotodai Park, and drunk beer too much. I drew a blank in the night of yesterday and I vomited three times in today's morning. I can't forget the fluffy feeling when I drink the liquor. It's no good, so I took cyanamide, the inhibitor of alcohol metabolism. I have to take good care of my brain more. It's strange to say this, the brain of bilingual is activating more than monolingual. I can speak English to some extent, so I have to take good care of my brain.

Recently, I've sometimes drunk liquor. As I said before, I can't suspend my strong impulse. For the same reasons, I sometime drink liquor. It's the best for me to drink no liquor. But I can't suspend desire to joy, so I drink liquor. Are Domo AI, PixAI and so on not sufficient methods to relieve my stress completely? For myself, I don't know. I'm easily perspiring, so, for it too, it makes stress. At least, I want hot days to finish earlier.

Yesterday, I went to Soyogi No Mori/Breeze of Forest in Ayashi again. I ate Unagi bowl, drunk the beer, and relaxed in the bath. If I can't travel, my best way to relieve my stress may be that I drink liquor and relaxed for long time. But, recently, I can't put the day to rest the liver. Addiction of alcohol is terrifying. The other way to relieve my stress is that I generate illustration by PixAI. But, recently, I have no idea about what I want to generate illustrations. I've become interested in Rocky, so I want to generate illustration that Garupan Captain Group is jogging, boxing  and so on. In this case, Anchovy is boxing.

My quotas are, 1. In English studying, I should write English in this blog or X(former twitter), or make video of my English speaking for 30 seconds. 2. In work, I should make one goal each one day, and finish it within this day. 3. About alcohol, I should drink nothing or 40g most (5% beer 1000ml). 4. About wasting to eat and drink, I should spend less than 500 yen each one day. But these quotas have become a mere shell of completely, except studying English. I had drunk 9% Chu-hai again and wasted more 1,000 yens to eat and drink. But, I can no more control my emotion and my appetite, so I'll go to an obesity hospital. I said before, that I'll fail if relying on only my passion and guts. But I can't believe I've failed to accomplish my quotas only one-half month. Should I revise my quotas? If I can control my emotion and appetite, I won't need to waste money to eat and drink liquor. But, somehow, it's no use. Is it only way that I give up with good grace?

Today and tomorrow, my parents will be in Chiba. So, I'm only one in home, without interfered from my parents. Today, I went to the psychiatry to take counseling and get medication such as Concerta. Recently, I drunk 9% Chu-hai again, so I consulted the counselor about it. "Can you change 7% Chu-hai?" he answered. Anyway, today and tomorrow, I decided to skip alcohol. For future, I'll think about it in this time. If always, I go to the spa such as Sunpia Onsen, but today, I returned home earlier and I took laundry my futon. Because, recently, my back and chest have terrible atopic disease, and they are always itchy. I thought my futon had been fulfilled with allergen such as ticks. Without interference from my parents, I took one quiet day with my favorite ramen. Always, I have craving to liquor but I must bear today. Today was Sendai Aoba Festival but it was not affordable for me to watch because it was rainy.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I bought a preserved flower for my mother, but I didn't understand whether my mother would have joy or not. So, I ran away for liquor. Before it, I drunk 500ml non-alcohol beer, but it was not effective . So, today, I didn't sleep very well, I'm very sleepy now. I drunk Monster, the energy drink. I've not been able to escape alcohol very much. Tomorrow, I'll go to alcoholic hospital. What should I say to the doctor?

"In human like lifestyle", I'm sinking into the garbage. "In human like lifestyle", I'm working like slave by nasty persons about my unwilling work. "In human like lifestyle", I'm masturbating with Ona-Hole by picking up the free porno pictures in the internet. Dammit! (By Itahashi Kiyoshi in Ushijima: The Loan Shark) This is one quote in Ushijima: The Loan shark. About myself, my work isn't my unwilling task, and my president is very kind. But, recently, I've not been able to accomplish my quotas. I've wasted over 1000 yen to eat and drink liquor. And I had drunk chu-hai again. "To increase my productivity and continue to work, I'll lose my weight and skip drinking alcohol." If I think so, I should have made my mind relieve On second thoughts, I'm easily agitated and inflammable. I'm very short-tempered and have few coordination. My personality is like “the savage beast” or “the tamed viper”. In other words, I...

When returning from the psychiatry, I went to Funaoka Castle Park again to watch the cherry blossoms. But almost petal of cherry blossoms has scattered. "Hana Ni Arashi（花に嵐）", which means "when flowers blossom, there are many storms, so flowers scatter easily." is true. Relying on my anger without clear purpose, I drunk liquor and ate potatoes. I've become angered and ate potato roughly, understand that the season will change. I failed my quota about alcohol in this day. Even if without it, the quotas about work and drinking alcohol is sometimes accomplished and not accomplished. I can accomplish the quota of studying English easily, but I can't  accomplish the quota about wasting money to drink and eat every day. It took 3 days after I decided various quotas. But I may have to re-think about my present quotas.

In this late point, I don't think I want to be filial to my parents. And I can't help them buy a mansion. What I can do is just what I pretend non-poli and improve my English ability. Yesterday, my president relied on me to translate an English medication book into Japanese. I also ordered the book, but what is the concept of the English book? At this point, my position may be similar to Hizen in Bakumatsu, which aren't interest on Sonnou and Joui and just improve their militial ability. But this position may make me improve Japan as an oriened-tourism country. However, recently, my lifestyle has been disturbed again. Amount of all liquor, money to waste eat and my weight has increased again. At first, I should revise my lifestyle. Are there any method except eating and drinking liquor, to relieve my stress? Relaxing music has been not effective recently. Anyway, I must write English in this blog and X(the former Twitter) every day, at least.

Today, I went to the hospital of alcoholic department, and saw the result of my blood examination. The result was all terms was within normal range. I was happy, but it was the fact that I had sometimes drunk liquor. I told, that the reason I had drunk liquor was I couldn't understand what I was doing. Then, the doctor said, "What is your ideal lifestyle so that you become satisfied?" I've done many things, such as working, investing, and writing English in this blog and X. But I feel it's still insufficient. But as the doctor said, what is my lifestyle so that I become satisfied? Many protagonists in Ushijima the Loan Shark are bad models. But calculating reversely from them, should I think my ideal lifestyle? For my ideal lifestyle, I need all of things, which are working, investing, using English and so on. But it may be also important for me, to "Shou Yoku Chi Soku/Reducing My Greed and Knowing Satisfaction".

 As always, I've wasted my money to eat and drink liquor. So, I tried to investigate my problem. As Dragon Sakura 2 point out, I have to "What I'll do for what.", not "I do my best" . In other words, I have to think about it concretely. Well, "To make more foreigners read this blog, I increase English writing in this blog.", I said. My Problems are, "How method will I increase my productivity?" "How method will I skip drinking alcohol?" "How method will I resolve my stress successfully? “How method will I decrease wasting money to eat and drink?” If I resolve my stress successfully, I can skip drinking alcohol, and increase my health and productivity. And I can decrease wasting money to drink and eat. But for it, what should I do? In Gintama, it says that it's important to take a break and do meaningless action. But what should I do meaningless action to be able to resolve my stress? Listening relaxing music has become...

Yesterday, I drank the liquor again despite prohibiting it. But, I want to go to Funaoka Castle Park to see blossoms, and it's the critical point whether I drink the liquor in that place. On second thoughts, I have easily agitated and inflammable personality. So, my own pace easily collapses. Anyway, I have to continue to write English diary in this blog, to eventually make Japan an oriented-tourism country. It's my first own pace. As Dragon Sakura 2 pointed out, Person's most suffering time is when the result hasn't become better despite doing their own best. Inversely, this time is the critical point whether we make our own ability increase or not. If we break through, we can rush our goal incredibly. But if we stop, we'll decrease the quality of our goal. I don't care of my weight very much, but I want to stop drinking the liquor. And before it, I want to make this blog for foreigners. Thinking about this, I should skip drinking the liquor in seeing blossoms,...

Recently, I'm irritated every day. One reason may be, that I take sweatdrop more easily because the climate has become warm. I have atopic dermatitis, so my whole body become itchy. And, still, I can't believe myself and what I'm doing, perfectly. I've continued to write English in this blog and X, but it may be insufficient for me. I've begun to skip drinking liquor, and it's taken 3 days. Of course, I have to reflect that I had sometimes drunk liquor. On this weekend, I'll go to Funaoka Castle Park, to take blossom viewing. Whether will I take the liquor or not in the time? When I go to cherry blossoms in Funaoka Castle Park, Can I take good pictures of cherry blossoms and publicize this picture in this blog? It's good for me to be able to feature Funaoka Castle Park, as the wonderful place seeing cherry blossoms.

One quote of Mita Norifusa's comics is "Do it like brushing your teeth. If you don't do it, feel too uncomfortable to sleep." Particularly, in Dragon Sakura series, they said, "Study like brushing your teeth. Feel too uncomfortable to sleep if you don't study." But for me, it's difficult to do it like brushing my teeth Of course, "like brushing my teeth", I've used English in this blog and X(former Twitter). And, "like brushing my teeth", I've bought the stocks of Ajinomoto, Kao and so on. But continuing to do it is very difficult. on this Sunday, I drunk the liquor despite skipping the liquor until Sunday. It's said that it's also strong to dependance to liquor. But if continuing to do it, I've thought it's natural to it. Actually, I think it's become natural for me to use English. Because I've continued to use English. I think it's true "Persistence pays off."