SPIRIT's Diary

I've been mentally unstable and can't control my emotion. So, this has been the biggest disorder to reduce my weight and my amount of drinking alcohol. When I was working in pharmacy, the evaluate of my self-control ability was also the lowest in my abilities. Actually, twice, I bored a hole in the restroom of my workplace. It has been never changed until now. I work in the workplace which understand my disorder, and live in some high lifestyle and some own assets. But, otherwise, I couldn't control my emotion, I would have slayed others and go to jail. Was my "Oya-Gacha/Parents-lots" good...? The relation of my parents was very bad, and I'd been taken physical punishments from my mother... Anyway, I think money is the tool to improve myself and contribute the society, not evil. I need some money to maintain my present lifestyle and my assets. In previous time, I said, "Earning money itself is not evil, isn't it." Some people would say, "You...

 Anti-Vaccine People said,  "Vaccine is only the tool to get money for companies." I heard it and thought, "Is getting money itself evil?" Kanamori Sayaka in Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken said, "To have responsibility to our own tasks, we get money. Money is for assuring quality of asked job. By getting money, we have duties to assure the quality of task. Tell me, which is just, whether we get responsibility to get money or we don't get responsibility not to get money." In other saying, "By getting money, the job has responsibility first, otherwise, the job becomes loose absolutely." In previous days, I also said, "Money is neither clean nor dirty." "Investors not careful of deposit in bank very well is safer than poverty people saying 'clear and poor.'" "Rich people doesn't do mistake." If we have sufficient money, we can study sufficiently. We can reply the gift to cared supervisors sufficiently. By ...

I began to study Financial Planner 3th Grade. It's OK for me if I make my sense of money ordinary by it. But there are many difficult phrases and calculation, such as Future Value Factor, Present Worth Factor and so on. And it's also difficult to calculate by them. In this way, can I pass the examination or not? Originally, I think money is neither clean nor dirty. But  I want my money to use for my desire and contribution to society. I've recorded my revenue and expenditure in Excel. But is it insufficient to this? My emotion has been unstable, and I can't control sufficiently. Can't I stop wasting money for eating and drinking liquor? I think it doesn't relationship between qualification of FP 3th Grade and controlling of my emotion. But will it go well if I can get qualification of FP 3th Grade?

My quotas are, 1. In English studying, I should write English in this blog or X(former twitter), or make video of my English speaking for 30 seconds. 2. In work, I should make one goal each one day, and finish it within this day. 3. About alcohol, I should drink nothing or 40g most (5% beer 1000ml). 4. About wasting to eat and drink, I should spend less than 500 yen each one day. But these quotas have become a mere shell of completely, except studying English. I had drunk 9% Chu-hai again and wasted more 1,000 yens to eat and drink. But, I can no more control my emotion and my appetite, so I'll go to an obesity hospital. I said before, that I'll fail if relying on only my passion and guts. But I can't believe I've failed to accomplish my quotas only one-half month. Should I revise my quotas? If I can control my emotion and appetite, I won't need to waste money to eat and drink liquor. But, somehow, it's no use. Is it only way that I give up with good grace?

In this month, I spent too much money to eat and drink alcohol. It's no meaning that my paying become only cash for eating and drinking alcohol. Because my greed eating and drinking alcohol much hasn't been changed. So, Using Rakuten Pay can get some additional points and it's so reasonable.     Since long time, I'm troubled to deal with my greed to eat and drink alcohol much. If it won't be changed for future, what should I do?