SPIRIT's Diary

I've been mentally unstable and can't control my emotion. So, this has been the biggest disorder to reduce my weight and my amount of drinking alcohol. When I was working in pharmacy, the evaluate of my self-control ability was also the lowest in my abilities. Actually, twice, I bored a hole in the restroom of my workplace. It has been never changed until now. I work in the workplace which understand my disorder, and live in some high lifestyle and some own assets. But, otherwise, I couldn't control my emotion, I would have slayed others and go to jail. Was my "Oya-Gacha/Parents-lots" good...? The relation of my parents was very bad, and I'd been taken physical punishments from my mother... Anyway, I think money is the tool to improve myself and contribute the society, not evil. I need some money to maintain my present lifestyle and my assets. In previous time, I said, "Earning money itself is not evil, isn't it." Some people would say, "You...

I began to study Financial Planner 3th Grade. It's OK for me if I make my sense of money ordinary by it. But there are many difficult phrases and calculation, such as Future Value Factor, Present Worth Factor and so on. And it's also difficult to calculate by them. In this way, can I pass the examination or not? Originally, I think money is neither clean nor dirty. But  I want my money to use for my desire and contribution to society. I've recorded my revenue and expenditure in Excel. But is it insufficient to this? My emotion has been unstable, and I can't control sufficiently. Can't I stop wasting money for eating and drinking liquor? I think it doesn't relationship between qualification of FP 3th Grade and controlling of my emotion. But will it go well if I can get qualification of FP 3th Grade?

My quotas are, 1. In English studying, I should write English in this blog or X(former twitter), or make video of my English speaking for 30 seconds. 2. In work, I should make one goal each one day, and finish it within this day. 3. About alcohol, I should drink nothing or 40g most (5% beer 1000ml). 4. About wasting to eat and drink, I should spend less than 500 yen each one day. But these quotas have become a mere shell of completely, except studying English. I had drunk 9% Chu-hai again and wasted more 1,000 yens to eat and drink. But, I can no more control my emotion and my appetite, so I'll go to an obesity hospital. I said before, that I'll fail if relying on only my passion and guts. But I can't believe I've failed to accomplish my quotas only one-half month. Should I revise my quotas? If I can control my emotion and appetite, I won't need to waste money to eat and drink liquor. But, somehow, it's no use. Is it only way that I give up with good grace?

After deciding my quotas each one day, I've been able to understand my ideal lifestyle increasingly. I can't still accomplish my quotas sufficiently. My ideal lifestyle is, "One is, that as a super staff officer, I help my president by informing managemental stratagies and information of disease and medication. Another is, that I often travel in Japan and abroad. The other is, that I inform Japanese culture such as Hakkenden of foreigners by using this blog and X(former Twitter)." For thinking about it, it's important for me to save money more. I have to waste less than 500 yens to eat and drink. Today, after going to the dental clinic, I wasted more 500 yens. I've understood I'm still immature. At first, I have to accomplish my quotas, particularly the quota about saving money. Many protagonists in Ushijima the Loan Shark is loose to spend money. But so am I. I should be careful particularly when I become hungry. I've understood that it's happy to...

Today is the first day after I decided quotas in various field. About English studying, within the morning, I made the video of my speaking English, and accomplished the quota. About work...the goal may be wildest, so I couldn't my goal today. And it's doubtful that information I used is accurate. It needs more time to finish my goal. About alcohol, I succeeded in skipping alcohol today. But I should have drunken Regtect, the alcohol restraint, after every meals. About wasting money to drink and eat, this quota is very difficult, I spent over 500 yen, my budget each day. It needed 432 yen of only Tokucha and Famichiki. I compiled the result, Success: studying English and skipping alcohol Failure: Accompilshing the goal at work and spending money less than 500 yen. Particularly, it's difficult to surpress wasting money. I want caffeine when I become sleepy, so I have to increase sleeping time. There is one Dragon Sakura's quote, "Only one or two people in groups in...

In this month, I spent too much money to eat and drink alcohol. It's no meaning that my paying become only cash for eating and drinking alcohol. Because my greed eating and drinking alcohol much hasn't been changed. So, Using Rakuten Pay can get some additional points and it's so reasonable.     Since long time, I'm troubled to deal with my greed to eat and drink alcohol much. If it won't be changed for future, what should I do?