SPIRIT's Diary

Today, I went to Hatsumoude/the first shrine visit, in New Year. With my father, I went to it, but my father was more vigorous than me. I’ve become very tired now. Recently, my mental instability and addiction to alcohol become even mortal condition now. So, for recovery of my mental health and expanding Hakkenden to foreigners, I prayed in the shrine. Is it OK for me, the Protestant Christian, to pray in the Japanese Shrine? However, the vision from the shrine was very beautiful. Recently, I'm wondering what I want to do. It's OK for me to contribute my company with English knowledge and Chat GPT. It's OK for me to inform Hakkenden of foreigners with English. But my mental health has become dangerous, such as alcohol addiction and so on. I've kept in mind to take Regtect, the inhibitor of alcohol, three times a day. And, also, I've been tired of accompanying my parents in year-end and new year holidays. It would be OK for me to make my own time, without drinking al...

Recently, my life has been self-indulgent. I haven't made any days of no drinking and my weight hasn't decreased. I often go to ChocoZAP with my father again. It can't be helped because my metabolism energy has decreased on account of becoming about 40s. However, I've thought after I had gotten a illustration "Itou Makoto and Nishizumi Miho, as Inuzuka Shino, are showing orbs of ''Kou（孝）/filial piety" by Mihoniumu-san(@gupmihoniumu, key(gaigaigai123)) I've wanted to expand Japanese culture such as Hakkenden, sumo and so on, for making Japan an oriented-tourism country. I've understood I can't do it in a short time. For it, I have to maintain both my physical strength and my energy. I have to become healthy by losing weight and so on. I have to skip eating Famichiki and drinking liquor. But can I do it now?

I have sleep apnea syndrome, so I went to Sleep Clinic today. Recently, I've eaten and drunk liquor too much, so my weight and blood tension has increased again. I said the doctor that I've had much stress, such as emotions that I hadn't done job very well, writing English diary and so on. So the doctor says, "You've overdone very much." Mr. Hiroyuki said, "The era doing own best have been over, we should live easily." But, in my case, how? I've chosen English as the tool for my surviving. So, I've wanted to use English more to learn English more. In the past case of praying with English in my church, only I joined this case, from many Japanese. Over and over, I've felt, that Japanese society is, "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down" ”A person with talent usually hides their best abilities ” "Silence keeps you safe." But, in my case, it's been NG. Because, "I don't want to be defeated my peer who w...

I watched this video in Youtube, by Mr. Tanaka Kei. According to it, we have to decide both "What do we want to do?" and "By when will we do them?" What I want to do is, "I want to use English more because I have 840 TOEIC score." "I want to go abroad and watch various things in the world more." About the first desire, it has been fulfilled because I often talk foreigners in my church with English. But about the second desire, I want to this desire more. But I have both Asperger's and ADHD, so my mental health has been very unstable. So I can't control my appetite and liquor desire, and both my weight and my blood pressure has increased recently. Is it the limit of developmental disorder? Recently, I've done the meditation to relieve my stress, but it hasn't gone well? Should I continue it? However, it's no other methods, to reduce money to eat and drink and relieve my stress. It may be said I have to continue meditation.

Today too, I went to go to ChocoZAP with my father, and exercised. Anaerobic exercise in ChocoZAP can help to make my muscle. But, about my weight, my weight hasn't decreased yet. However, as always, I haven't cared for my weight. As always, to eat and drink is the best way to relieve my stress. My physical strength and resilience have fluctuated for days. If I have both of them, I have much desire such as going to Shanghai. But if I have neither of them, I don't want to do anything including to work. It may be the key whether my mental is stable or not. Recently, I re-started that I often take meditation in free time. But, until now, I can't make my mental stable even if I do it. Will it become effective.