SPIRIT's Diary

I have sleep apnea syndrome, so I went to Sleep Clinic today. Recently, I've eaten and drunk liquor too much, so my weight and blood tension has increased again. I said the doctor that I've had much stress, such as emotions that I hadn't done job very well, writing English diary and so on. So the doctor says, "You've overdone very much." Mr. Hiroyuki said, "The era doing own best have been over, we should live easily." But, in my case, how? I've chosen English as the tool for my surviving. So, I've wanted to use English more to learn English more. In the past case of praying with English in my church, only I joined this case, from many Japanese. Over and over, I've felt, that Japanese society is, "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down" ”A person with talent usually hides their best abilities ” "Silence keeps you safe." But, in my case, it's been NG. Because, "I don't want to be defeated my peer who w...

I watched this video in Youtube, by Mr. Tanaka Kei. According to it, we have to decide both "What do we want to do?" and "By when will we do them?" What I want to do is, "I want to use English more because I have 840 TOEIC score." "I want to go abroad and watch various things in the world more." About the first desire, it has been fulfilled because I often talk foreigners in my church with English. But about the second desire, I want to this desire more. But I have both Asperger's and ADHD, so my mental health has been very unstable. So I can't control my appetite and liquor desire, and both my weight and my blood pressure has increased recently. Is it the limit of developmental disorder? Recently, I've done the meditation to relieve my stress, but it hasn't gone well? Should I continue it? However, it's no other methods, to reduce money to eat and drink and relieve my stress. It may be said I have to continue meditation.

Today too, I went to go to ChocoZAP with my father, and exercised. Anaerobic exercise in ChocoZAP can help to make my muscle. But, about my weight, my weight hasn't decreased yet. However, as always, I haven't cared for my weight. As always, to eat and drink is the best way to relieve my stress. My physical strength and resilience have fluctuated for days. If I have both of them, I have much desire such as going to Shanghai. But if I have neither of them, I don't want to do anything including to work. It may be the key whether my mental is stable or not. Recently, I re-started that I often take meditation in free time. But, until now, I can't make my mental stable even if I do it. Will it become effective.